Before The Worst
by carliecullenx
Summary: Post New Moon, Bella accepts Edward back but she can't love him anymore as she realises that she's in fact in love with Jacob. But will he take her back after everything she's put him through?


**A/N: Another new story for you to (hopefully!) enjoy! This is very different to all my other stories as its B/J. Poor Eddie :P Thank you to my lovely beta xdeanxcasx :) You're awesomeee!**

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Before The Worst - Chapter 1: Tears and Pain

Bella POV

It had been four months now. Since Edward had returned with me – and stayed. That was how long it had taken me to realise. For me to realise that I'd made the worst mistake of my life.

When Edward came back I tried to stitch my heart back together all over again. I never had been any good at sewing.

That old part of my heart – Edward's heart – didn't fit anymore. It never could now. I had a new heart now and it had grown more than ever. Whenever I was with Edward I'd find myself thinking about _him_. I hated myself for it. And each time Edward asked me what I was thinking about made it even worse. All I did seem to think about was _him_. Jacob.

I shook my head in desperation, I definitely didn't want to relive... having to tell Edward. That was two weeks ago now. It was incredibly hard to clear my head but now I'm ready – to tell Jacob. I had promised to tell Edward when I was going to tell Jacob. I don't know why but I texted him anyway. '_Tonight. I love you Edward, I'm just sorry it's not enough. X'_

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By the time I reached Jacob's house on the reservation it was raining again. Predictable really. Getting out of my truck I smiled, the Black's house was... comforting. It held no bad memories for me here. It felt like home. I must have stood there for ages because suddenly Jacob was in front of me – I hadn't even heard the front door open.

'I didn't expect to see you again.' He muttered darkly. I decided to come right out and say it.

'I've broken up with Edward.'

He didn't react. Of course, he did react. You just had to know him well enough to realise. I saw it in his eyes, they sparkled to life with hope but he soon became angry at himself for hoping and controlled his neutral expression. He obviously thought I was lying, that this was some kind of joke, a test. So I intervened whatever internal monologue of crazy predictions he was having. I stepped forward and grabbed his hands in mine,

'Jacob, I broke up with him for a reason. And no, this isn't some sick joke on you. And I'm sorry it took me so long to realise and you've... you've been here forever. You looked after me, you healed me, you're my best friend. I'm sorry for every horrible thing I've done to you – '

'And why's that huh Bella? Why are you suddenly so sorry that you were such a bitch to me when I... I fucking loved you!' He roared, wrenching his hands away from me.

'Loved? Past tense?...' Inside my heart was preparing to shatter into a thousand pieces. All over again. He didn't love me? I was... I was _too late_? I gasped, clutching my chest, trying to breathe as my heartbeat became more and more erratic.

'No more of the theatrics please Bella, because frankly it's tiring. Are you going to answer me then? Why now? Why are you sorry? Why?' He screeched at me, his face right up in mine.

The rain was heavy now and the tears were falling freely, mixing with the rain water, already glistening on my cheeks.

_I cried because I hated myself._

_I cried because he didn't love me._

_I cried because he hated my guts._

_I cried because I loved him._

_And I cried because I was too late._

I jerked myself away from him and clambered back to my truck. Frantically I shoved the keys into the ignition and mentally thanked god that my truck hadn't decided to break right now. Just before I closed the door I replied to Jacob, who was still watching me, obviously still expecting an answer.

'Because I fucking love you!' I screamed. I slammed the door shut before I could notice his reaction, turned on the cassette player and listened as _The Script_ album began playing. I hit the gas forcefully and tore away from the reservation. From the Black's house. From Jacob. And away from me.

Tears were still dropping from my eyes, tracing their way down my now sore, red cheeks as the chorus began playing,

_There was a time that we'd stay up all night__  
__Best friends, yeah talking 'til the daylight__  
__Took the joys alongside the pain__  
__With not much to lose but so much to gain_

Damn appropriate song. 


End file.
